CHIMOS Guide to Halloween Costumes

When it comes to Halloween, we at CHIMOS are no slouches. From historic Halloween blizzards to infamous Halloween riots, we have survived all sorts of costumed disasters. Hopefully, we won’t get tear-gassed this year. In case you still haven’t found a costume, here is some insight on the standards:

The Explainer: Can range from inside jokes to terrible puns to sheer laziness, but leads to a night of saying things like, “C’mon. Get it? I’m That Bouncer From Delilah’s/Chronic Wasted Disease/The Guy Who Wrote The Davincci Code. Get it?” No.







The Pimp/Ho: A variation on a theme. Allows girl to slut-out while still being marked by her fella. Inexcusably unoriginal, but well worth it when you see Brad the pimp leaving with an unknown slutty devil.





The Ambivalent Racist: It’s not the offensive stereotypes that you are donning that is making me laugh. It’s the fact that you haven’t a fucking clue. Would be a pimp if he had a girlfriend.







The Latest Wes Anderson: This causes a lot of confusion because you are not really sure which Richie Tenenbuam at the party you were just talking to, or which Uzi just urped in the sink. In ’99 it was Max Fischer, in ’02 it was Eli Cash, in ’05 expect to be groped by Klaus Daimler.




The Costume Out Of A Bag: What it lacks in creativity it makes up for in hilarious un-trademarked names like Guitar Master, 60’s Costume, and Vodka Costume. Toxic fumes from costumes also nice accoutrement to the evening.





The Greatest: Enough said.



If you are looking for some razor-stuffed drug-laced Halloween fun this year check out the following:

Thursday October 27 - BooBall 2005. The Charleston. 6:30-11:30pm.
Friday October 28 - Critical Mass Halloween Ride. Daley Plaza. 5:30pm.
Friday October 28 - The Hold Steady. Logan Square Auditorium. 8:30pm.