Last Night A DJ Threatened My Life
Okay, not really, but he did look very very angry. The Disc Jockey in question was none other than English Jungle and Drum-and-Bass DJ Goldie, who was inexplicably buying groceries at the Lincoln Park Costco in the check-out line next to my own. It took my roommate and me a second to figure out if it was really the trip-hopper after I overheard him say something about soccer (“Are you sure you're not thinking of Tricky?”). Then a fan approached and Goldie flashed his trademark etched gold teeth proving our deduction. I casually grabbed my cell phone and played it cool like I was looking for a number of a friend while actually lining up a picture of the displaced Brit. As I scanned my camera towards him, Nat nudged me in warning and through the phone’s lens I saw Goldie’s angry mug scowling right back at me. Not until afterwards did I find out the following: “Goldie is well known for efforts to keep his private life out of the tabloids, and spends great effort to avoid having his photo taken during his downtime.” Apparently. I didn’t get the pic out of fear for getting whooped by a short crazy-toothed DJ brandishing a 2-gallon jug of Bausch and Lomb Contact Solution.

I can tell you this: Everyday Goldie looks like this.
Pissed-off-because-some-wanker-is-all-up-in-my-privacy Goldie looks more like this.


Oddly enough, Goldie is not the first world-famous DJ who I have accidentally enraged. When I was in high school, I got dissed by DJ Shadow for showing up with an ABBA record in hand to an in-store he was doing at Let It Be Records in Minneapolis. What’s next, Large Professor getting all heated at me because I ask for an autograph after running in to him at the Olive Garden in Milwaukee?